being a little upset yesterday..hate it when i get moody, where everyone around me get influenced...hate hate hate!!!AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~ even get mocked when i go beyond godlike in dota where people say: wow, ah seng get mad already, kill people like nothing..dangerous dangerous~~
sometimes i question maself, why would i give a damn to how other thinks about me, why would i have to act according to the environment, why would i have to smile to someone i hate so much that i wanna crush him/her into pieces, why would i have to do something I don't like at all but the environment force me to do that..you know, nobody can EVER be HIMSELF/HERSELF..as long as u r force and shape by environment you will never be..as long as u cant let go all the responsible of life, as a son,daughter, a student, a part of the community, as a cousin,brother,sister, as whatever role you play on this world..nobody can be selfish, becoz they are born into a world where bonds with others are made to make them whole, so they can stand up and fight again for the greater good~~
ma mum always says, you don't have a choice, you are born to do what you have to, and you can't run away for this..it is fated, it is destiny.. feels like since born i had been always disobeying dis rule of the nature..my motto or desire of the perfect life is to follow the way of freedom..doing anything i want, anything i desire, and don't care what other people say..but somehow, dis i a dream zhat is not gonna happened..it is impossible..>.< a fight zhat leads to nowhere..
another thing that i don't like about..sometimes in life, i just wanna be an invincible thingy to the naked eyes.. sometimes it is just too stress when everyone is mentioning ur name in the public.. n that makes me feel worse when ma friend says that bunch of people was asking my whereabouts during the general annual meeting in UMMSA, the Malaysian Student Association in University of Manitoba.. was really moody that time, and phone calls keep coming in.. i just wanna be alone sometimes..which is quite selfish or whatever..but just..i don't know, the feeling and sensation is really complicated that no mortal words can really describe it..>.<
i ma tired..really tired, i should take a break, really stop thinking, or start thinking some new solutions..so i won't be in such bad shape...
u know, when i was so down, the only person i seek and think of is that SPECIAL YOU.. >.<
damn....T.T now how i wish i was and will always be a nerd...
p/s: im inspired by a statement in Coach Carter:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
signing off~~**
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~~Signed off***
a picture portraying me..表里不一，双重性格
8 years ago
