what do i want?

so mate...
what do you really desire in life???
all the blings and gold you can get on earth???
supreme powers to command the world???
endless adventure and a life of passion???
just sing and dance and enjoy being a carefree person everyday???
a sweet girl that will promise you eternal love???
or a freedom that has no holds onto it???

well, the least desired is bling?
i don't want to be flood by money
which i can't eat or talk to
and the most desired is of course
FREEDOM!!!
so when can I really get my freedom
when all holds on me will be removed???
that's why, i don't seek love, that is unrealistic at the moment
IF you KNOW what i MEAN
again, no assumptions people
love makes you sick, but indeed inspire you at some degree
double edge sword
i prefer loving the seas for eternity
savvy?
*rubbing ma sleepy eyes
now wheres ma rum??*
XD

Loss?!?

the path of losing myself
sent a shiver arching down my spine
the uncertainty roams between my ear drums
whispering silently and force me to choose

sometimes i don't have a choice
sometimes it takes guts to make a decision
but i know after that show
my life and view of the world had been altered

this change is scary
this change is risky
but i just can't stop singing
cause thats the way it is

^_^

a soul sealed within

iron chains all over my body
i am chained and trapped within this well structured prison
with the 5 elements of fire, water, earth, wood and metal
forming a perfect pentagon seal around me
my claws and fangs were blunt due to the endless confinement
but i remain sane and my senses are still sharp
waiting for the time to strike

my physical self is weak and feeble
it is a nut shell set to be awaken for it's full potential
by the burning and blazing soul within
but first, my soul has to escape the confinement cast upon it
or it will never shine
and remain in the shadow and darkness for eternity

when the time comes, i will run free off this soul cage
one day
and watch out for that day
that nothing can stop my tracks
that nothing cant deny whatever i do
that i will get all freedom this world promise
and write down my own legacy
in this rotten yet little hope remained world
just wait and see
when the beast, is finally released~

pray-ing ^_^

i was never a believer, nor a religious person to even believe in god
i believe, the human mind and spiritual essence are the god within themselves
thoughts are meant to be the driving force in achieving something great
however, after devoting some time into meditation daily
i decided that every single day I will forgo a spiritual ritual
1st thing at the morning and last thing before day ends
and chant a silent prayer within myself
for a better guidance in my course of actions for the day
and most importantly, inner peace that I long seek
the mind, spirit and body shall work as one
see...everyone can pray, the same goes for a cat XP
(Supposed to have a cat pic, but someone say too scary, so it is DELETED)

my training had come to phase 2
1st phase of slimming down is almost done
i will proceed with the training of mind and soul
i know my path is still long and hard
but nevertheless, i will proceed
with a determined and focused heart
all for the greater good
^^
...Taylor Swift...
!!!you are gorgeous!!!
xoxo

dancing under the moonlight~~ wif my love??=P

Never think I would go into dancing so much...
the house already have a popper...mr.poppersano aka my bro Paul
pop non stop till kena mama marah XP
now they are gonna have their latin american dancer
which is, yours truly~~
dance dance dance...
can wait to dance wif my love under the moonlight
^_^

dance, in some sense coordinates the mind and the body
make the two components work as one
when dance, not just you need to please your audience
you have to set sight on what move comes next
is your partner going with your pace
do you have the passion to show the essence of dance itself
and do you LOVE dance itself
well, I am not at that level yet, but for sure I will reach it one day
if I show my total devotion to dance itself
=)

2 years ago, took a course on latin american dance
and learned the basics of salsa, barchata and merengue
now my skills had been rusty, but i will start to keep up again
after reviewing some clips in youtube
ready to rock the stage and theaters again wif my crazy footsteps

and..got a cozie who also learns LAD
will make her my lab rat to dance wif me
xoxo

a little change

i wanna change my lifestyle!!!
well ad been living quite healthy and full-filled:

working out 3-4 times per week
eat celery, lettuce, cucumber, tomato every morning
drink tea, drink a lot of water, and still drink milk ^_^
walk to school instead of bus..combating the weather everyday!!
say no to fry food, organic is the best
reading some meaningful books and meditate
study for 1-2 hours daily
slacking still when procrastinating (this had been minimize!!)
and wake up at 7 every morning!!!!

however, still need to improve, so i decided:
30-60 mins of latin american dance 2-3 times per week
develop a new thinking method and ways of approaching things
write my story (30 days gf) and in 10 days 1 chapter have to posted to my blog
keep in touch wif hometown friends, cozies and w/e i missed
be more contented and do things "fast hand fast leg" or 快手快脚
放開一點、簡單一點、單純一點

more too add, when i can think of more...
anyways, sc tmr ur spm start ady hor...
wish u luck here aa
go wif ma blessings, and score flying colors yar
you can do it, i have faith on u, as always
XOXO

what will you feel when someone says, I LOVE YOU??!!??

what will you feel,
when someone says
i love you?
i dont know, a lot of ppl say that to me
xP especially ma mum~
but..i love you should be universal, not just for ur bf/gf
it can be to your special someone too
warm, blessed, and happiness
a simple 3 word
I LOVE YOU
=)
wanting to say that to my special someone
someday
^_^
today is the day we get an extra hour
the so-called: daylight saving time
where during winter we get an extra one hour
and lost one hour on summer
bcoz during winter, it tends to get dark earlier
and during summer it tends to stay bright even it is already 9pm
very confusing ei??
anyways, today is a super long day,don't know why
and i did a lot of work out, let see...
Jumping Jacks X3(100 each), Ski Steps X3(100 each)
Weighted squats X3(15 each), Normal Squats X3(15 each)
Push UpsX3 (1st two times X10, 3rd time X3, no energy)
After the intense exercise, study..
i am insane..=x

A sad song below, for those unfated people
copy pasted from a friend's blog
don't really enjoy it, but makes me a little emo

After Love

After Love
Five Treasure Island

I thought you were my love
I thought you were my everything
I believed that it was you who would be my last love

I smile only for you
I live only for you
I was happy and believed in your love


*Everything's a lie, it's all a lie
Your love is all a lie
Because I'm hurting like this
Because you hurt me like this
It's a love that causes tears

You'll only love me, you'll protect only me
Your love is all a lie
You took my whole heart
You even took all my love
It's a love that leaves


One person receives love
One person gives love
Like a fool, I believed you were that person


*Chorus


The words of love are all a lie
The words "I love you" are a lie too
The words of forever are a lie as well
Only your promise to return is left
Where are you? (You're always so far away)
Wherever you are, however far you are
You're still the only one I love


Please try to come back, come back to me
I can't love another
Even though I'm hurting like this
Even though you hurt me
I wait only for you

Everything's a lie, it's all a lie
Our breakup is all a lie
Because you're the one I love
Because you're my everything
I wait only for you

anyways, i am...95% recovered...
thanks s.c too for chatting wif me too in msn today
xoxo
tuesday got a big midterm coming up
jia you neh~~

by
your and only yours truly
br!an
at
02/11/2008
8:12pm

weekend routine

weekends routine:

8:00-9:30: Getting up
10:00-11:30: Working out
11:30-13:00: Bath, Eat and Read newspaper
13:00-17:00: Study, Online, Hang Out, Sleep, Laundry
17:00-18:00: Free time, Do whatever I like
18:00-20:00: Dinner, Movie, Phone
20:00-23:00: Study, Reading, Assignment
23:00-00:00: Music, and Sleep
It was basically the same as last year
but the working out in the morning is the only thing modified and added
6 packs...when are you popping out?? xP
my cozie says: guys wif 6 packs are sexy
and say my display pic damn macho xP
wakaka, made my day cozie, u rocks!~!
till today, no idea..and uncertain..
thoughts, are really powerful..
can make u do anything..
and things you used to think you cant do it
once you have that thought in mind
and don't stop your footsteps before achieving it
you are on the way to hill top
and.. motivation as well
it is a supplementation for living up a thought
i never believe myself to lose so much weight
in a short time, and still maintaining the level i am currently in
it was all used to be a dream, unachievable and i can only
being jelous, and envy those people wif nice, slim body
while being mad at myself looking at the mirror
but now, i am really on the way to become one of them..
dis is such a miracle..
really bless and bliss.. for this change of my life..
thank you, and thank you so much
xoxo
lastly, to everyone who knows bahasa melayu
this is a BIAWAK right??
well, my cousin says that it is a..
erm...snake wif 4 legs (si jiao she)
zzzz
LOL!!~~

by
your and only yours truly
br!an
at
01/11/2008
8:58pm

some test....

You Scored as Existentialist Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Mankind is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility. Existentialist 75% Cultural Creative 75% Romanticist 69% Fundamentalist 63% Postmodernist 56% Idealist 50% Materialist 38% Modernist 31%

special someone...

i
a special someone doesn't come out of nowhere
they exist for a reason at a specific time
someone who is regarded special
don't have to be a perfect person
having the best of character, look, and social status
some doubt themselves for being special
due to their true color which is far too obvious for themselves
but no matter what, YOU are special to me
now, future and always

by
your and only yours truly
br!an
at
23/10/2008
8:18pm

motivation pushing me onwards and onwards

part of the sensation you get from exercising
is the total satisfaction you gain physically and mentally
refreshed, feeling strong and clear-minded to start the day
the morning breeze is so cool and enlightening
can feel it spread through every part of my body
flowing freely inside out...
aah..the great outdoor~~
this morning after a brief chat in msn, went on for a jog outside
when the temperature is at...-2'c for 20 minutes
chilly...ouch....

8kgs to go...you can do it and you know it!!!

blessed...
feel so blessed today...
i learned my lesson today...
don't do things too over
^_^
and also blessed that i can lost so much weight
in such a short duration of time without neglecting my personal health
but however, today my used to be tight fit jean
keep on "dragging me down" while i tried to "pulling her up"
argh...i need new clothings...
>.< lastly, trigger and bullets..
sometimes humans are like bullets residing in a pistol
not motivated, they will just procastinate, get lazy, slacking
just like the bullet in a nut shell pistol, useless
until the trigger is pulled, which for human, the motivation is applied
bullet will do the job well when it hits the target (trigger pulled)
but for us humans, man...
they do need more than just motivation to keep going
(have to kick and push and tickle and hit them to make sure they keep moving)
*sigh...

presentation tmr, need blessings^^
gtg ppl, ciaoz..

by
yours and only yours truly
br!an
at
20/10/08
8:10am

new skin new style...my way...

walking down the path full of fallen leaves
my way to the gym was cherished by mother nature itself
ever-flowing river, ever-blueish skies, ever-refreshing O2
even though all will be covered by pure white snow in the upcoming month
nothing stops me from loving mother nature itself
when i am upset, disappointed, down and utterly sad
i will walk down to a peaceful surrounding of tress and grass
because mother nature is always there to embrace me
absorbing all my negative aspects without a single thought

out of all different genres of music
one that i love and appreciate most is the pure piano music
too bad, i was never given a chance to practice, learn and know more about piano
it would be a splendid and romantic sight
when i can play upon a tune so nicely for my beloved one
if i am given a chance, i wont hesitate to learn playing piano
and seriously i will do it
Hope...
hope is a relatively powerful thought
that can bring you to places that you can never ever imagine
with a hope, and strong thought in your mind, you are indestructible
nobody can stop you in your path until you achieve what you really HOPE for
you are strong and cleansed yourself from the feeble weak mind that haunts u at the pass
i hate people who lose hope, giving up themselves to the pass, unforgettable nightmare
which they never want to walk out of it
they have to know one thing, and one really important thing
that there is always someone there willingly to sacrifice themselves to bore the burden
to share the pain, to face the challenge in the future, and to live with the pass nightmare
they have to know, they will never walk alone
there will always be a guardian angel there to embrace them, for them to walk out of the shadow

Lastly, updated my blog skin,has a bio hazard to it so watch out people. Added a new html script which has one of the best playlist I ever heard in my life, and also a change of style in blogging.PMS will be my word of wisdom of the month, cause I have..1 month and 11 days to go to achieve my goal..working hard man!!

PMS
Physically active - stay strong so you can protect your love ones
Mentally aware - wisdom from experience will teach and show you the path
Spiritually peaceful - pass events are lessons, teach you how to be peaceful

by
yours and only yours truly
br!an
at
19/10/08
8:41pm

experience gives you wisdom

years of studies in a country so different from my own
time passed by and experience cumulated from various events
i learn of that the growing up process is a really tough and challenging experience
looking through other's mind is a fantastic ability to have
i would say, it is the deep observation of one's action and mind, and most importantly, understand your own that give yourself the wisdom upon understanding other's intention even though they try their best to hide it
too much had i see, and too much had i hear
one single body language of yours, will make you naked intention exposed even when you try your best to hide your it
instinct does not exist in this world for no good reason
and i always trust my instinct to be part of my guidance of life
and i can sense the uprising, disgusting feeling before something bad happened
it is like, there are signs to warn me, to prevent me from dropping into the icy deep cold pit of darkness
is it a gift?
or is it a curse?
the answer lie between yourself
because you choose what to believe
and what not too
my traumatic pass was hidden from me for a good reason
and re-expose again also for a good reason
life is a puzzle
you just have to complete the final piece
before you actually realize yourself

gtg,ciaoz..

signed off**~^

being maself.. ^^

gym is as bz as alwiz..full of passionate ppl who are striving for a better health, greater inner energy required for daily life..walking slowly to zha scale machine..telling maself..i know i had failed her n maself..i dint full fill ma duty..but i need to know, what is ma final weight for the month..hopped on..the electronic scale concluded ma 1 month of "hard work"--108.4kg..in total, only 2.6kg is lost..way too far from the initial target of 101kg..nevertheless..for sure the 95kg mark is gonna be full fill..which it is due 2 months from now..i can do it..i knew it..

reaching home, rush ma tiresome body to the bathroom..feeling the hot water running thru ma body,air circulating thru ma lungs,bubbles all over maself,n vapor fogging the entire bathroom..for some reason,the sensation is so different..i can feel everything..wif ma eyes closed, reaching to the most deepest part of miself..the feeling is tremendous..i ma sort of blended maself wif mother earth itself..

rejuvenate and refresh, sitting in front of mi comp..i started to put all mi thought zhat i had think of the whole day together..afta a lot of deep thoughts, i figure tat i ad somewhat reach into some degree of inner peace of miself..as a cc, a son, a brother, a student, a friend, a companion, a special person, a roommate, a volunteer, a part of the community..literally everything..human are compromised of 2 being..1 being the inner mind which act correspond to wat he/she really desires, another being the "masked" self..trying to look gud n perfect to everyone, and try to please everyone he/she meets, accepting him/her as a perfect individual..sadly, a lot of ppl in the society are more keen to the 2nd type..they ad 4get wat is wat they truely desire..some ad no choice..some ad given up their dreams, bcoz they din't even tried to accomplish wat truly belong to them..some cant stand the reality of life, chose to live in his/her fake, unreal world..

i was among those miserable, unrealistic ppl..i ad no dreams, no goals in life, watever i do r more influenced by a 2nd/3rd party..i neva relli reli think about,for miself..all mi life ad been just following footsteps of others..i ad nvr thinking of creating ma own legacy..ma life was neva under ma control, n i ad kinda ruined maself n lock maself in the deepest sorrows becoz of 2 nice girls..n i jst slack off the precious time in zha pass, assuming "someone's gonna think of ma future for miself,which are ma parents"..tat was the darkest moments i ad..n it is really painful..

now..i attended chiropractic adjustment on ma spinal cord, to enhance ma performance in terms of mentally and physically..i go gym 4-5 times per week, n ma weight ad decreased dramatically..i update ma blog everyday, never missing a day for no gud excuses..i keep in touch wif mi bros, mi family, n every important person in mi life..i study n make sure i do all mi hw wif 100% dedication..i started to feel tat i ma having a new life..reborn..like a soaring phoenix..from the ashes of despair, arose and flap ma wings to fly the skies again in ma beloved mother earth..im reborn..thank you..

to be unique, to be urself, to be someone special..theres no limitation..sometimes ppl will look at u at a different way..coz u aint doing things tat NORMAL ppl do..yes..y the hell i ad to act like other ppl do..y i ad to act to make ppl happy??itz ma life,not theirs..wat they think is part of their problem not mine..i ad ma own thinking, i ad ma own style, i ad ma own desire and target for life..if u dont appreciate it, just shut ur mouth n c wat i got to prove..to maself, i ma special, to those who appreciate who i ma and will walk wif me when i m depress, sad, and down, i ma special, to those who can't see beyond what lies on the surface, call mi watever u like, coz it is not of ma concern ^^

i ma born special, u r born special..we ad our own legacy to created, n ppl will remember us 4 wat we achieve, appreciate who we are, not criticizing wat we r gud at..be urself, stick wif ur dreams and desire, don't let the -ve habbits influence u..the world is changing, n we are changing too, not for the sake of the world, but for ourself..XD

it may sound selfish, but it is damn true..i love maself, i love everyone around me, n i gonna make things happen wif ma hands, ma legs, my mind..everything i got~~
peace out everyone, n bye bloggy..u r always ma best companion in regards of daily life or life thoughts.. i had an exam coming tmr..luck luck luck!!! XD

Signed off***

i wasn't really healthy ; im kinda healthy now ; im gonna be even more healthy ^^

today..itz zha last day of ma gym membership..if wanna go gym tmr, av to renew ma gym pass..zzz..there goes ma $,bling flying away..>.< nevertheless, it is worth it..nid to keep fit, be a healthy person, and overthrow the theory of so-called BMI..to be honest with you guys, ma BMI is 32.5, classify as class 1 obesity..n hey, an "obese" person like me can run on a trackmill for 35 minutes and not even pausing for a single second..ya right BMI i ma gonna prove you are totally wrong big time..i ma healthy person, and still can run wif endless energies flowing in ma body~~ ^^ hmm..lez see, i still av a lot to hilangkan..around 40 pounds, or 20kgs..can i do it??in 2 months???october, november..idk..i better do it..i don't wanna break promise again >.<

couple of minutes ago..was searching for a countdown clock..that will indicate month,day,hour,minute,second..couldn't find 1 for mi blog..sorry yar..but found a nice custom one that can be added to ma yahoo widget!!~~ can even put a picture, a title on it somemore..i have 2 months, 2 days and 2 hours (approximate) more to go, or 63 days or 1513 hours or 90825 minutes or 5449553 seconds to go (well have the second meter and minute meter are progressing atm i ma writing blog)..LoL~~ anyways, still looking for a countdown clock for mi space..dis time i ma on for real..for zha greater gud, i ma not gonna fail!!! ^^

suddenly, i wasn't writing stupiad poem for a long long time ady..ppl say practice makes perfect..well i neva wrote an english one..gonna try a chinese one sometime in the future..or maybe now??

仰望长空独叹息
情不变，唯人异
心中暗藏浓情意
失意人，独相思
心中痛楚何人知

茫茫人海何处去
蔚蓝海？远长空？
皆非吾之归心处
心已碎，泪长流
敢问君心在何处？

心碎夜晚漫长长
无方向，无限长
突望远方白光照
卓日阳？夜明亮？
近眼相望才知道

天降天使怀入抱
莫心碎，莫悲伤
舍你并非末日到
为己想，仰天啸
吾将默默守护安

天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空伐其身，行弗乱其所为， 所以动心忍性，曾益其所不能。
i always believe dis is 100% correct, and i know u can do it..cheers~~

signing off~~**
in
5.....
4....
3...
2..
1.


~~Signed off***

a crazy crazy dream....

today not talking about anything happened at home..itz plain bored..today, itz about movie and dream~~ lez start of wif butterfly effect..^^

the movie was..well in the beginning i was quite confused with everything..sudden shift of events, where there is only the beginning and the end, and the process get cut off..still don't get what the director's message to the audience..however, things started to get clear in the middle of the show, where the main character in zha movie alter his pass incidence, and influence the future he will be venturing..also explains y his dad and grandpa is considered as "crazy" in the movie..if you are not him, u won't be able to understand wat is really going on..maybe lol~~ i like dis movie, message that i get, a tiny alternation of different thangs in life, may affect your future, just as stated in the chaos theory, aka butterfly effect..like, meeting ma special someone in kt may seems like a tiny,normal event in ma life, just like a butterfly flapping itz wings..but if i din't met her when i was bek in kt..i won't be able to get over wif the thang i started last year..the chaotic months where i wonder in sorrows and disasters..c..we are actually facing butterfly effect everyday..applying chaos theory to our daily life..small changes, small events, small alternation..can really change your life..do the right choice and u r on the right track ^^ 8.5/10 for the movie..=P

the next thang im gonna mention..itz about dis strange dream of mine this afternoon..i aven't been dreaming for a long long time..the last ever time i dream, was a nightmare after the incident in May..the incident in the library..>.<>.< but well, i just av to be extra careful..

tat should be it 4 2day..and sc..itz a shame u cant o9 today..miss u so much~~ =P
time for mi to sign off, take care ma blog, my love ones, and gud night ladies and gentlemen ;)

signing off~~**
in
5.....
4....
3...
2..
1.


~~Signed off***

whos in charge here???

zhis is the question from ma fellow colleague dora..well that time there wasn't any assigned supervisor in the room, so I was telling her, well, nobody's in charge here, we are in charge of ourself lol~~ that time was fun, coz we are basically doing stuff that we told by the supervisor earlier, and get to dump overdue food from the fridge..now the fridge looks nice and neat, thanks to maself, a way cooler person than a nerd ^^

dropped by employment service again, go through a lot of listening getting to know what do they do, so that i won't promote the wrong message or information in the future. also get to know a bit about a website helping u find jobs..yuhuu~~ tats a good stuff awright ^^

lastly, itz about something i wanna share about what i found out from MuSiC~~ Obviously, people listen to music for various music..moody, happy, angry, depress..anything..just there is always a music that fits into the theme you wanted, and that really makes music that SPECIAL~~ somewhat funny tat i found is when i listen to love songs or 情歌 everyday, i feel like i wanna engage in a romantic relationship wif someone..when i listen to rap music, i feel like rapping on the street wif those hip hop, street dance, gangster people.. when i listen to techno music, i feel like so energetic and having energy to do anything, MY WAY~~~ when i listen to music wif a lot of beats, i wanna do some POPPING~~ Music is really a spice in life, fits in whatever situation you wanted..i thank the godly person who created music~~ n thank you all the nice music producers in this world, without you guys, the earth is but a black and white habitat contained by us..the ugly people who pollute our own home~~ >.<

nyways, i love music, and will always love music~~ time so sign off..
and, maybe we should have a countdown???
70 days to 1st December...will try to find miself a countdown clock lol ^^

signing off~~**
in
5.....
4....
3...
2..
1.


~~Signed off***

the true self? the inner self? schizophrenia? dual personality??

being a little upset yesterday..hate it when i get moody, where everyone around me get influenced...hate hate hate!!!AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~ even get mocked when i go beyond godlike in dota where people say: wow, ah seng get mad already, kill people like nothing..dangerous dangerous~~

sometimes i question maself, why would i give a damn to how other thinks about me, why would i have to act according to the environment, why would i have to smile to someone i hate so much that i wanna crush him/her into pieces, why would i have to do something I don't like at all but the environment force me to do that..you know, nobody can EVER be HIMSELF/HERSELF..as long as u r force and shape by environment you will never be..as long as u cant let go all the responsible of life, as a son,daughter, a student, a part of the community, as a cousin,brother,sister, as whatever role you play on this world..nobody can be selfish, becoz they are born into a world where bonds with others are made to make them whole, so they can stand up and fight again for the greater good~~

ma mum always says, you don't have a choice, you are born to do what you have to, and you can't run away for this..it is fated, it is destiny.. feels like since born i had been always disobeying dis rule of the nature..my motto or desire of the perfect life is to follow the way of freedom..doing anything i want, anything i desire, and don't care what other people say..but somehow, dis i a dream zhat is not gonna happened..it is impossible..>.< a fight zhat leads to nowhere..

another thing that i don't like about..sometimes in life, i just wanna be an invincible thingy to the naked eyes.. sometimes it is just too stress when everyone is mentioning ur name in the public.. n that makes me feel worse when ma friend says that bunch of people was asking my whereabouts during the general annual meeting in UMMSA, the Malaysian Student Association in University of Manitoba.. was really moody that time, and phone calls keep coming in.. i just wanna be alone sometimes..which is quite selfish or whatever..but just..i don't know, the feeling and sensation is really complicated that no mortal words can really describe it..>.<

i ma tired..really tired, i should take a break, really stop thinking, or start thinking some new solutions..so i won't be in such bad shape...

u know, when i was so down, the only person i seek and think of is that SPECIAL YOU.. >.<
damn....T.T now how i wish i was and will always be a nerd...

p/s: im inspired by a statement in Coach Carter:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


signing off~~**
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~~Signed off***


a picture portraying me..表里不一，双重性格

blog in essay format lol ^^

daily updates..went to gym dis morning at 730, big accomplishment!!!thumbs up for myself..one step closer to my target and our promise XD and in 32 minutes time, jogged for 1.98 miles (around 3.1km) and burnt 189 calories..not gud enuf, next time have to do better =P..then watched a movie by Samuel.L.Jackson, Freedomland..no doubt he is one of my favorite actor..but really..the movie is not good at all..time-wasting..i give it a 3 out of 10..for god sake, don't hire such a sucky director lar..ruin my favorite artor image only..anyway..the main dish of the day..something to do with family =)

Today inspiration of blogging is solely on family.Why say so? Well nowadays i discover human actually get the most motivation not from their friends.That's what they think when they are younger, like me, you or any other teens reading this post.We think we are so great, we can do anything we want, and parents are just on your way stopping us to do the "right" thing.And most of all, friends are made priority than to parents. What friends say are always right, what parents say are always wrong.Not saying friends are bad, but priority comes first.Ya all children have the "betrayal period" of their life as children. This is what I think, and actually most youngster will think when they recap back their pass.At the age when they think they are the greatest, parents, siblings or close cousin they would consider as troublesome, annoying, on their way for them to accomplish something better.Now, this is not really true to me.My motivation and inspiration to accomplish something greater, are from myself, my parents, my siblings and my close cousin.

A lot of my friends, thinks that parents are just blocking their way to a greater success. Why? Why do they not know how to APPRECIATE their own parents and family members? No offense, but there ARE people like that out there, who thinks they are god, they know everything, and they are the living saint walking in this half destroyed,poor mother earth.To be honest, I am so sick for your b/s walking this world, better get off my sight before I set sight on you and annihilate you.The earth suffer enough, your parents suffered enough, even god himself suffered enough creating you people.For everyone's sake, you have 2 choices. 1st, disappear from this earth, you are just bunch of trash, if you don't want to, well, I will make you do it.2nd, change your attitude entirely!!!Treasure your loved one, brother,mother,father,sister,cousin or whoever.And always remember this, you are just a nobody without your parents.

Ok, now release my anger on those spoilt brat. Now I want to thank my parents for sending me to Canada, molded what I am today, and also my father for being my eternal target to overcome. Love you guys. My 2 brothers.Paul, if it wasn't for you, I won't know how to treasure life in a "enjoying" feeling. I am a person who prefer result, rather than process. You made me see the more important part of the process, and also let me learn to enjoy good music, good wine and everything. You are my most important person after my parents. Thanks! Also my youngest bro Yang. I had been an idol for you, and always I will be. We have a 8 years age margin. But you never fail to share anything with me, and always listen to what I say. I am proud to have you as my brother, the best brother one can ever wish. My brothers, let the triple A reign rule forever..argh*3,aba,akiki~~Peace brothers~~

And last but not least, is this special person, who requested me to write an essay form blog today. Well, this is not really essay format, but I tried my best to be as close to essay format.I have too much to thank you already.You made me forget her, you made me motivated to do this and that,and also motivate me on this blog.Nevertheless, you are special, and that's it.I will appreciate you for the rest of my life, and mark my words. love ye and miss ye always

Well, nothing more to complain, to hate, to praise, to thanks, to love, to kiss, to hug, to miss. There is too much in this world to contain, but like my buddy Chris says: Do what you like man..only way to truly be happy.Yup, just do anything I like and enjoy doing, especially bugging you in MSN =P Treasure and love the ones closest to you, never let you, or you will regret. That makes a perfect good excuse for not getting a gf~~
Peace friends.

signing off~~**
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~~Signed off***

deep thoughts...

itz the time of the year..that decision will make a difference throughout the whole school year..yes yes it is just the 2nd week of school, but if the mode is not change from Holiday --> Student mode, it would be just disastrous..

seriously, hate to be a "3 minute heat" person..maself can only keep up wif stuff that i ma really into, really interested..sooner or later, when ma interest fade, i will basically gif up on writing blog everyday, just like wat i did to ma 1st ever blog, and deleted it eventually..hate dis bad habit of mine..but..sometimes men are born to this world to face sorrows and suffering, to make yerself stronger to face the challenge that a mortal will face..the 1st task that i nid to accomplish in the school year, is basically..eliminate the "3 minute heat"
the 2nd one..is some usual bad habits that cumulate throughout the years..procastinating, skip class, dont want to socialize, etc..i hate it when facing these prob..theres a.."half death" knot in ma heart(if it is a death knot..im done for it..living in a shell without a soul), and i can't seem to untie it..sometimes..i ma really close on undo the knot, but as near as it seems, it is really far from maself..a hard one, but keep striving to undo the bad things and start wif some good habits..

din't attend the malaysian association general annual meeting..not i ma too bz..just dont feel like..i ma kinda like outcasting myself among the malaysian..maybe??i duno..just nid to sit down and really think about it..meditate, reach into the deepest part of ma soul..or maybe..ma lack of confidence is causing all these unwanted challenges in life??

s.c i ma not a certified perfect life master of yers..but i will strive to be better..rest more and dont overstress urself, as u r having a fever..take care yar, miss'ya..

i really need someone to untie the knot on ma heart..are u the one?? @.@

thats all for me..bye ma blog~~


signing off~~**
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~~Signed off***